DEFRA (Department for Ecstasy F*cking Related A*seholes) has said that despite the outbreak of "blue tongue disease" being billed as the first ever UK outbreak, it's actually quite common... among gay men.
DEFRA's latest statement discloses that the disease takes hold when "victims" crunch up Viagra in their mouths to "hurry up the hard on", often to counteract the debilitating effects of other recreational dr*gs. Symptoms include a red face, being unable to come, a blue tongue and a headache.
Quarantine zones have been put up around s*x clubs and saunas where crowds of hungry "bottoms" have started to gather. As well as the victims, it's thought there are many, many hidden victims (those bottoms) who have met a blue tongued person. Their symptoms include walking issues and anal leakage.
More as we get some, sorry, it.