Tourist? Then read on. Balans on Old Compton Street in Soho is one of the most established and successful gay restaurants around. It's got an eclectic menu brought to you by some hot waiters with big smiles. Why did we ask if you were a tourist? Well, most experienced locals would rather enjoy a finger buffet at a fisting party than eat here. Given this is Damaged, we don't know if that's an endorsement or indictment actually. Whatever, we can only imagine that its tightly packed in tables are so popular as it's the gay restaurant with a nice atmosphere.
"Continue reading" for our QuickieGuide:
Venue: Balan Soho's USP is very big windows as that's what this place is about – being seen. Whilst your Saturday out of towner will be seen sporting their Clone Zone t-shirts in the windows, spare a thought for the rest of the punters. Why? They do try to get everybody in and at one point years ago were charging entry at night. We thought they'd be charging for cutlery next… Anyways, it's quite large but packs more in than down the tube during a blitz.
That said, the décor's nice and it's no great hardship. Venue wise the only thing that freaks us out are the loos – the peachy marble/ plastic effort looks like it's been ripped out a Miami cruise ship. That much peach is quite disorienting.
Staff: We said big smiles as they need them as they're ultimately confidence tricksters when it comes to serving whatever emerges from below deck. Whilst some in the past have been borderline autistic when it comes to social skills/ attending you/ dealing with slightly off-the-wall request like "no dressing please", the general calibre is good and they actually work for their tips – rare.
Punters/ atmosphere: Up to 40s, friendly, fun, gay!
Security: None needed. You're mugged inside when you pay the gay tax.
Food: Order something simple, avoid the mussels and prepare to wait and pay the gay tax.
Conclusion: Great place to meet if you wanna gay it up and enjoy the ambience of a younger crowd. If you're rather spoilt food wise and recognise that you actually have a palate, then there are plenty less fun but better straight places within vomiting distance.
Note: They have other branches (Chiswick, Earls Court) which we are much better - possibly thanks to more discerning customers.
