Vault 139 is the Man Bar reincarnated in town minus the rat run of fun that was the journey from the tube to its outrageously dodgy looking former entrance. We must admit that we did have a soft spot for Man Bar as we always knew that once there (usually on a Sunday) we'd get a warm welcome into hallowed innards.
So, what do we think of its replacement? Well, as we take sex venues very seriously we took The Whole of Team Damaged there enmasse on Saturday evening to pass judgement. Quite a brave move given that the last time we all arrived enmasse at the doors of some poor unsuspecting sex venue we all ended up in an unsightly scrum over the one hottie that was there. We think he escaped the by crawling under our legs tho how he managed without his Trophy Trousers we don't know…
Anyways, back to Vault 139…
Venue: The new venue's a big improvement tho we're sure many will cry over the old one closing. You find it on a pleasant not too busy but not dangerously quiet street. An understated door leads you down some stairs and into a dark but cool cellar. It seems bigger and there were three main things we liked most. First off the bar felt like a proper bar. You didn't feel pressured like you can at some slut huts. It was well, like a bar if you get wot we mean?! Second up was that the slutty areas were well executed with lots of separate cruisng areas, bed things and what we looked like fortune teller caves with beds in them – they could do with more headroom (…) but it's in a cellar so do the math. There were four cabins that we found (what we do for you) which was fine. The third thing we really really liked was that there were chill out bits where you weren't in the thick of it, had plenty of space and could do what you liked unhassled and away from the bar. So, we prefer the new venue and think it's going to be one of the horniest sex clubs in London.
Staff: One is kept in a cage at the door where you pay which is a bit cruel. Battery bar managers is dead mean! Once in tho there's a big old barn staffed by very nice men indeed – perhaps too nice as our group seemed happy to stay there and just smile at him. Well, until I went to the loo and returned to find two of the team had pulled at the bar and everybody else was MIA.
Security: Trouble's kept out by the caged chap at the door. We don't imagine much fisty cuffs here unless it's off the internal up your bottom kind.
People: We did think the place could do with more punters when we arrived but then found plenty lurking around in the cruisey areas. There was a bit of "coming and going" meaning a regular flow of punters staying short periods – not like an underwear party (it wasn't) where folks arrive for the duration. We imagine given the location it'll get a bit of boys popping in to drop off a load enroute to the alleged polite society in Soho. Whatever, as it's just launched we were pleased it had punters and imagine osmosis has already kicked in.
Music: We always loved the music at Man Bar and can't say we noticed any at Vault 139. Might have been us…
Toilets: We counted two or three cubicles and they're far nicer than the old place's Midnight Express punishment cell one.
In a sentence: The picture doesn't do it justice, sex sells and we're buying into Vault 139.
Vault 139 is at 139-143 Whitfield Street, W1T 5EN. Open every day from 7pm, Sundays from 1pm. Check the gay London calendar.
